Niin todella, mihin katosi vuosi?
Sairaala, terapiat, harrastukset, sinne se katosi. Vähintään kerran viikossa havahdun ajatukseen, tänään avaan koneen ja kirjotan, yhtä monta kertaa havahdun ajatukseen, empä kirjottanutkaan. Monet kirjotukset on päivien aikana työstetty ajatuksessa valmiiksi, tän mä kirjotan. Siinä on ehkä ollut se ongelma miksi ei ne ole tänne saakka löytäneet. Olen alkanu työstään asiat pään sisällä, päästämättä niitä paperille niinkuin ennen. Samalla huomaan kuinka päivä päivältä muisti pätkii enemmän, hermo kiristää ja mieli on ahtaalla. Kovalevy alkaa olemaan täynnä.
Tuuli repii kuin oltais me sivuja vaan
Jotka joku pois heittänyt jo selattuaan
Eipä kaunista oltais me luettavaa
Rivit sekaisin, ei paljon kerrottavaa
Ajatus avata kone ja kirjottaa lähti eilen tulleesta puhelusta. ”Meillä olisi tälläinen tilaisuus X, voisitko kirjottaa sinne?” Hetkeäkään empimättä lupauduin, oli aika kirjottaa julkista teksitiä pelkkien ajatusten sijaan. Julkista tekstiä, siitäkin on yli vuosi aikaa. Se oli eräs pikku joulu johon teksti silloin lähti. Jäädämpä siis odottamaan saadaanko aikaseks ajatusta enemmän 😀
Siihen mihin vuosi katosi äkkiä, se toi meille paljon uutta lähes yht`äkkiä. Pojan diagnooseihin vahvistettiin, , migreeni, uniapnea sekä kasvuhormonin neurosektorinen dysfunktio. Reuma aktivoitui uudelleen tauon jälkeen.
Löysin monesti itseni ajatuksesta, ”ei kellekkään anneta enempää, kuin mitä jaksaa kantaa”. Oliko se todella niin, vai jonkun keksimä klisee?
Tässä kuitenkin ollaan, vuoden vanhempina ja viisaampina. Vuoden ajan nämä kaikki jälleen voittaneena. Taistelu jatkuu, vaan ei kaaduta.
Hei me heilutaan taas mutta ei me kaaduta ,ehkä väsyttää vähän mutta nyt ei nukuta. Hei me heilutaan taas mutta ei me kaaduta, ei me menneisyyttä kaduta tai sitä kelata.
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